Zen retreat

I have a post from last October just briefly stating that I just went on my first Zen retreat.  I didn't comment on it again after that and just realized it.

It was a 5 day Zen retreat.  I could go on for pages and pages about it.  At the same time I don't have a clue as to where to start.  The sitting and walking meditation itself wasn't easy but I managed okay.  The state of my mind at the end of the retreat is a whole different story.  Because I have bipolar disorder.

I've often heard people talk about the dangers of retreats.  I always thought they were making things up.  I mean, really, how dangerous can sitting still and walking slowly for 5 days be?  Ha!  Little did I know.

Because I have bipolar disorder, I've been told no more retreats for me.  This makes me want to wail and nash my teeth because I think that retreats is a good thing.  The problem is that the two retreats I've done that lasted more than 2 days, I have ended up putting myself into a manic state by the end of it.  

For anyone who hasn't experienced mania, it's hard to explain because it's not necessarily a bad thing.  Yes, I ended up in the hospital both times, but the things I worked through, and the things I realized, and the changes I've made, have been good.  It's like a dam breaking.